Teeming Masses vs. Michael Holliday
Michael Holliday, prolific technorati intelligencia from that fine and funny Patrick.net outdoes himself again. He converses with the Great Power as he continues to struggle against the riptide of teeming masses of sheeple.
"MichaelHolliday Says: February 17th, 2006 at 9:52 am
THE MASSES: Ha! Look at Michael Holliday driving his 1995 pickup with high miles and dents in it. What low-life. Hey, Holliday, why don’t you do a slick refi like us and pimp your ride up to a real drive like our slick new Hummers, Escalades and Mercedes with shiny, spinning 20 inch rims?
MICHAEL HOLLIDAY: My small truck may be a little rough around the edges, but at least it’s paid for. Keep laughing. Keep living large. Keep pointing the finger and feeling like you’re special and high-class. You’ll get yours. And soon enough!
THE MASSES: Hey, look. It’s Holliday again. He’s sporting keys to an apartment. What’s the matter Holliday? Ain’t got the frijoles to buy a real house? Hmm? Look at this plush, pimped out McMansion. I bought it last year for $850k and it’s already appreciated to $925k. Didn’t you know, real estate ALWAYS goes up?
MICHAEL HOLLIDAY: Thou sayest.
THE MASSES: You wise and silly old fool Holliday! You’re throwing your money down the drain and will NEVER accumulate riches. You should have listened to my realtor’s sage ass advice and bought using an exotic, erotic loan. There’s still time for you to pay homage.
We can hook you up with a Stated Income, No Doc I/O, ARM loan and you can be stylin’ and profilin’ in no time. Chicks will dig you then. Then you can refi your way into a pimped-out ride and start scoring like us! What are you waiting for Holliday? You village idiot, you!
MICHAEL HOLLIDAY: (Shakes his fist at the unruly mob). You’re all a bunch of blaspheming materialist dolts! Damn all of you! You sit there fat and happy mocking God, family and country thinking you’re the cat’s meow and all that kind of stuff.
Just as in the days of Noah, so shall you reap what you have sown! Mark my words, you shall pay the price for your arrogance, pride and scorn of reasonable people like me. You cannot deny the laws of economic physics for long. Beware of reflexivity.
THE MASSES: Bwahahahaa! God you say? You bloody fool, my god is my house. My allegiance is to my Humvee and my Escalade and my Porsche. How dare you meddle in our precious housing market and hurl your insults and blasphemes at our 21st-century lifestyle of Silicon Valley opulence. Perhaps we shall burn thee at the stake!
Then, we shall watch you writhe like a worm in economic strife and substandard living forever. You had your chance to buy a McMansion and get a few McGoals, and a McLife and you squandered it on frugality, caution and thrift. You servile little knave! Didn’t you know that the road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom?
We shall enjoy your decent into the depths of poverty as we leave you in the dust with our perpetual housing equity. It’s a new paradigm you blathering ignoramus!
MICHAEL HOLLIDAY: God, how much longer must I endure the slings and arrows of the masses of unbelieving, heathen sheeple? When will you avenge my endurance of insults and rhetorical violence from the masses of greedy, real estate asses? Is this not worse than Sodom and Gomorrah and ancient Rome combined, times ten?
GOD: As it was in the days of Noah, so shall it be during the housing bubble. Patience my son. Soon you shall dance and sing on their financial graves as you play a harp with your hard-won angel wings and chubby, cherubic buttocks while drinking Hi-C Fruit Punch in eternal joy and merriment. I shall avenge you and the righteous ones for your long suffering and faith.
Just watch and see! ""